Pamphlets
by goodgollymolly
Summary: Finn is looking for something in Kurt's room when he finds Kurt's pamphlets.  He decides to share them with Puck and Sam when Kurt and Blaine walk in.  Awkwardness ensues. T for mild language and mentions of sex. Oneshot.


A/N: Hey everyone! I wrote something funny again! Sorry it's been so long, but I've been in a weird funk. I hope you like it! Thanks again for all your kind reviews/favorites, they make my day! As always, if I could find you all and give you cookies, I would. :)

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><p>Finn, Sam, and Puck were sitting in Finn's room playing Halo when Finn paused the game and cleared his throat.<p>

"Hey I was playing that!" Sam said.

"Guys, I have something to tell you-" Finn began.

"Rachel's not knocked up, is she?" Puck interrupted, grabbing a slice of pizza.

"No! Oh God, no."

"Good, so, as you were saying?" Sam said.

"Okay, so I shouldn't have been poking around Kurt's room in the first place, I get that. But I seriously needed a pair of black socks. Kurt had to have at least one pair of plain, black socks, right?" Finn said to a nodding Puck. "Yeah, so I'm looking through his room, trying to find a pair, and I got distracted-"

"Imagine that," Sam snorted.

"Didn't ask for comments, dude," Finn snapped, then continued, well, so I was looking at stuff on his desk, and then all the sudden I see these things-"

"Sex toys? Condoms?" Puck asked, grinning. "I bet Hummel's super kinky, the prudes always-"

"No, oh my God, no," Finn groaned, "I found these pamphlets."

Finn fanned the pamphlets out in front of the guys.

"Boys will be Boys? What the hell does that mean?" Puck asked, leaning over to take one of the pamphlets and opening it. His eyes went wide. Apparently there were things that even Puck didn't know about sex.

"Um, you don't think they actually do these things, right?" Sam had turned oddly pale as he examined one of the pamphlets. "Because, like I've shared drinks with those guys, and if Blaine or Kurt have put their mouths_ there_…oh God, I think I'm going to be sick." Sam put a hand over his mouth and collapsed into Finn's desk chair.

"Hey, are you guys alright?" Blaine had popped his head in the door.

"Yeah, yeah, we're fine," Finn said, scrambling to collect the pamphlets and shove them in a drawer.

"You guys weren't all looking at porn or something, right?" Blaine asked, confused as to why Finn was shoving things in drawers. "Because that's kind of homoerotic if you're doing it together, and-"

"It's nothing!" Finn shouted, stuffing the last of the pamphlets into his sock drawer, "Just reading, we're fine, isn't a nice day guys? We should probably go outside, you and Kurt can have the house to yourselves so, yeah, we'll just be-"

"Finn! Why are you shouting?" Kurt stomped into Finn's room, "Blaine and I wanted to know if you wanted to go get ice cream-Noah! What are you doing with that?" Kurt snatched the pamphlet out of Puck's hand.

"Hey, I was just looking!" Puck cried, then gave Kurt a knowing look, "So, you and preppy having some fun, Hummel?"

"That's none of your business, Noah," Kurt snapped, "and where did you get these? Finn, were you in my room? Oh my God, what were you doing in my room?"

"Nothing! I was just looking for some socks-I mean, I wasn't in your room!"

"Finn Hudson, I will kill you!" Kurt tried to catapult himself at Finn, only to be blocked by Blaine.

"Come on, Kurt, you're not going to kill him," Blaine gently said, pulling Kurt into an embrace.

"Not with you standing here, I'm not," Kurt fumed, "now let go of me!"

"I guess he must not be doing the stuff in the pamphlets," Puck snorted, "because he's still wound tighter than a-"

"Noah, once I'm done with Finn, I will castrate you. Lord knows it would save this town a lot of trouble."

"Dude! I'm still in my prime boning years!"

Blaine rolled his eyes as he released Kurt, "Prime boning years, really, Puck? You have a girlfriend."

"Exactly, dude. I think she'd be pretty pissed if Little Puck-"

"You named your penis, Noah?" Kurt looked horrified.

"That's not his name," Puck grinned devilishly, "well, the twins each have names, then his name is-"

"No. Just no," Blaine said, "I want to be able to sleep tonight."

"Yeah, I don't think I want to know either, Puck," Sam said, still looking a bit pale, "why don't we just play video games or something. Forget about the whole…gay sex thing."

"I think that's a great idea, Sam," Blaine said, walking over to pick up a controller, before Finn interrupted.

"No, not that one," Finn bellowed, snatching the controller from Blaine's hands, "that's one of my favorites."

"Finn, you always use the blue one, I thought that was your favorite," Sam said.

"No, no, I like the silver one too, and the black one," Finn said, snatching the black one up too, "and I like this one, and this is one of my favorites-"

"Is there a controller I can use?" Blaine asked, exasperated.

"Um, this one!" Finn held out a controller that was missing most of its buttons.

"Finn, can I please use a nice controller?" Blaine asked.

"Well, this one is still good," he said as the wire separated from the back, "um, maybe if you just hold it real still-"

"Finn, what's going on?" Kurt was irritated, and was starting to turn red again.

"Um, well, I don't know where your hands have been…and after reading those pamphlets-"

"Oh my God," Kurt shrieked, mortified, "our hands have not been anywhere near either of our genitals!"

"Today," Puck laughed under his breath.

"Noah! Do I have to revisit my earlier threat?" Kurt cried, hands on his hips.

"Hey, dude, you come any closer and I'll tell you what I named my dick," Puck said, grinning.

"Hey, Kurt," Blaine interrupted before Kurt said anything more to Puck, "why don't we go to your room?"

"You're right," Kurt said, shooting Finn a look, "now give me the pamphlets, Noah. You never know, Blaine and I may need some hints."

Blaine turned bright red as Kurt grabbed his hand and led him out of the room.

"Get some Hummel!" Puck called from Finn's room.

"Why did you do that?" Blaine said as he collapsed onto Kurt's bed when they reached his room. "They're going to think we're doing…stuff!"

"Who said we aren't?" Kurt replied, straddling Blaine on the bed and leaning down for a kiss. "I mean, we don't have to, but as long as they're already thinking that we're doing stuff, why not take advantage of the privacy Finn gives us?"

"I like the way you think, Mr. Hummel," Blaine grinned, reaching around Kurt and putting his hands in the back pockets of Kurt's jeans, "now kiss me, you fool!"

"You are such a dork," Kurt murmured against his lips, "but I guess I'll keep you."

"Someone has to," Blaine smiled into the kiss.


End file.
